I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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