I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
