nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just made out with a guy for $7.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
