And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
