Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
