So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
