Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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