So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
