you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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