i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize