What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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