what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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