I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
