if you like me you must not know who I am
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All the doctor said was why
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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