i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
