He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
