you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
