So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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