what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
