Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
