I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
