I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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