You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
