i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
