Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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