So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
