can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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