So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
