Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
