What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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