So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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