I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
