I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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