Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
