So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
