I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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