I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
