yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So many bounce houses so little time
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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