I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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