During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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