you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
soo... how was my night?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
