i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
