I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
