i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
