If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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