dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
