if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize