life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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