WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
