Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My vagina is officially offended.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
