its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
