I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
