The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
