I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
