Where did you get a picture of my penis
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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