We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I need to calm my uterus...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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