I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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