Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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