I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
