I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
