i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
