So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
