what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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