i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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