listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
