Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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