meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
