Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
