the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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