If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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