dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
