i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
