i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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