he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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