You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
