mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
