trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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