I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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