I think I am morally bankrupt
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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