I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My pussy is not your playground.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
