Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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