You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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