you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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