he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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