u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
