I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
