I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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