You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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